The Matrix:Realization
by Grim-Panda
Summary: This is the beginning about a angst teenager who realizes something wrong in the world.  Please Review.


'Every man dies. Not every man really lives.'  
><strong>William Wallace<br>**

The wind swayed its lust of cold through my bones as I was on my way to the bus stop. My eyes were aching of the ol' morning dread as my zombie-like self motioned toward the curb. "Same shit, new day" as my pals back in the Hakz chat room would say. When the bus finally arrived, the only reason I went get on the bus eagerly first was so I could get a seat to myself. I mean, I could sit and chat with the few pals I knew like Jake, Karl, hell maybe even Francis. But reading up on my coding and transcription notes I downloaded from Emphis345 was hopefully going to get me some cheat sheets for my SATS. As I inserted my escapees, my partners in numbing solitude (most likely know as earphones), I blasted my Skid Row playlist and read the notes on my IPod. Just then I realised how in a few months, most people would say they don't have to deal with the pain of school, of buses, basically all this shit we do as teenagers. But me, I know that being human is complaining about practically every negative task we don't _feel_ like doing. High school isn't the end, hah, god no. It's just the start of more responsibility and scrapping by as a snail in a 2 hour long bus ride to a job application with some hot shot telling you to shine his shoes with your poor tongue.

As a kid I was always looking for more. Not video games, tee shirts, or a date to a prom, because these things weren't important and who dares to even know why at this age they become so overrated as they are. All I wanted was more. More air, more pain, more happiness because I just could. I just could. I liked feeling things, whether it was the winded lungs of my recent mile run or the scrap in my knee from falling out of a tree. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those freaks who enjoy suffering and pain or such stuff like that. I just enjoy the feeling of being alive, I don't favour to the hurtful side (even though feeling pain is much stronger then feeling joy), I enjoy all aspects of life, when you fully feel it inside of you. But as I started to age I started to ask why the reason for things. And through that it just got all messed up. I would try and try to feel the breeze of achievement and of living, but it just wasn't there. It just felt, like it was all a lie, like I wasn't really living at all.

Step by resentful step I made my way through the pit of hells seventh circle to my locker. Just as I thought, I would be spoken to by Reed, as he made his way towards me.  
>"Hey Dorian! What were you up to this weekend? Did any Jack's try to steal your golden eggs?"<br>Yes, I am tall. No, I don't give a fuck about your opinion Reed. Yes, you are a fucking prick.  
>Acting as if I didn't want to break his face, I lazily answered, "It was just fine. And for what reason do you think mocking me about my height, of course a physical feature created by genetics that cannot be reversed, as a way for us to communicate?" I have to admit, pointing out the stupidity is something that makes this stage of my life worthwhile. Reed, being the slacker and jerk off he is used his confidence and puke inducing charisma to show this didn't throw him. But if you look in someone's eyes, you can see it did.<br>"Awe man, don't start out this week with shit attitude like that. Hey, have you seen the new girl? Hah, now that's one bean stock I'd love to climb. "  
>He seemed so confident in saying this; I had to refuse the urge to laugh in his face. Ah, humanity. What really does separate us from our primate ancestors? Simple, young pregnancy is essential and reproduction is the only <em>true<em> goal of a primate. But with us homo-sapiens, we set up goals of knowledge and making life a little easier, but the irony is that we were the reason it is so complex. What makes us the same are our hormones that tell us reproduction is still the key to survival.  
>"Reed, have you ever thought that getting laid wasn't the most important goal to achieve during this time? That maybe, perhaps because we are in a place of learning, that studying, hell maybe even <em>passing<em> is what you should be concerned with?"  
>I sighed as I turned back to my locker to organize my already organized books before I heard his excuse.<br>He laughed loudly as other students passed, perhaps staring at me for voicing my apparently ridiculous opinion. Look closely at his statement, to see how influential hormones can be.  
>"Wow, I completely forgot I was talking to a fag. And I think you forgot what side of the fence was going to get you punched? I'll see you later; I have chicks to attend to. I think they'll find my golden eggs to their liking, unlike yours, virgin." He snickered, turning away.<p>

OH SWEET HUMANITY! As he walked off I had to laugh my ass off, there was no way I couldn't. But to save me from having a talk with my mother about why my face was purple, I waited just until he turned the corner. I have heard somewhere that laughing was a sign of nervousness, and I'm not denying this was the case, but the true reason he said those things was for defensive reasons. This is how that works:  
>1. Insulting with a slur is putting me down to make him feel higher and more superior.<br>2. Threatening is a way of showing that what I say or do is wrong, and that there is a consequence for it.  
>3. Saying that they have something that I don't shows as if they have more power and need to be on the planet.<br>But all in all, I'd rather get punched- no I rather die, than not speak my thought or not be who I am.


End file.
